There is not a person on this earth that has not suffered from a heartbreak. If you haven’t, give it some time. I’m sure that you will. A broken heart is the most relateable pain in all the pain of existence. Every person from the days of the Garden of Eden to the most recent celebrity breakup can attest to a horrible experience associated with love. More often than not, it is viewed as a bad thing. However, it may be the best thing that has ever happened to you.
I’m sure you think that when you lost the “love of your life”, that you were never going to be the same after. I am fairly certain that some of you believe that now, and you are absolutely right. You are never going to be the same.
Becoming a changed person, however, is not necessarily a bad thing. Have you ever looked a dandelion, and admired its natural beauty? The way that its golden yellow petals glisten in the suns rays? It is an incredible creation, is it not? However, as the dandelion ages, it begins to look different and change its shape and color. Once they have morphed into this stage, many people pluck them from the grass and blow their petals away while they make a secret wish. While they have changed from their original beautiful golden stage, they have increased value because they grant wishes.
In the same way, a person is so incredible and valuable to begin with. However, life brings changes and adjustments that make that same person grow and mature into someone else. This someone else holds just as much value, beauty, and desirability as the old one, if not more. Now this someone has gained wisdom in what he or she desires from a relationship. They have learned more about themselves and who they are inside a relationship. They have faced devastating hurt and survived the pain and suffering. They are incredible survivors with a new chapter in their life story.
While you have gained so much from facing such a painful experience, there is the matter of coping with the loss of the person you loved so dearly. There is not a set in stone way to deal with grief. It differs from person to person. However, there is a defined list of things that seem to work across the board when it comes to overcoming breakups. Here is the list of what to do and why to do it….
- Connect with friends: They don’t have to be the closest of friends. They can be people that you just enjoy spending time with. Perhaps they are just a fun group to be around. Whatever they are, try to connect with other people and build relationships. This connection with others will help you to fill the void of loneliness in your life after dropping the ex. You do not want to spend too much time alone because it allows your mind to overthink and over-grieve.
- Grieve and move on: Allow yourself time to grieve when it hurts. It is going to take time to heal from the pain and that is okay. However, you do not want to spend too much time grieving because this will ease you into a depression that you do not want to slip into. So follow this golden rule: Allow yourself to cry and scream and ache over a part of the relationship, and then never grieve for it again. For example, if you miss watching a TV series with your ex, grieve that connection that you had. Cry because you miss it, and then never cry for it again. Find a new way to enjoy that TV show by yourself. Find a group of friends to watch it with or a club that discusses it and move on. This will slowly pull the broken pieces back together.
- Go to the gym: To quote the famous Elle Woods, “Exercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy. Happy people just don’t shoot their husbands, they just don’t.” While I hope that you have no intention of shooting your ex, she is very right! When you exercise and produce those endorphins, it makes you happy! So go to the gym and walk on a treadmill. Join a Zumba class! Whatever will make you exercise and get those endorphins going. It sounds cliche but it really will help.
Following these three simple things will help you immensely in overcoming a breakup. Imagine yourself as a Dandelion in a field soaking in the sun. You absorb your nutrients and water and live a happy life. Then the storm comes (the storm being a symbolism for your breakup) and blows and beats you in the wind. You struggle to maintain your composure. Then the sun lifts and the clouds part and there you sit in the field bruised and battered. These steps will be the nutrients and the sun and the water that you need to nurture your beaten Dandelion, and at the end of it all, you’ll become stronger, and more desirable like the aged Dandelion we make wishes on.
Hang in their my worn out friends. It isn’t over yet.